


Letting Go

by Little_Red



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heavy Angst, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-28 14:46:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10119440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Red/pseuds/Little_Red
Summary: Sometimes it’s the things that we hold onto the tightest that hurt us the most.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is for an SPN Anti-Valentine’s Day Challenge. My song that I had to use in the fic was What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts. And this fic is supposed to be angsty and heartbreaking. I hope that I did this challenge justice!!! I wanted to write more, but I was running out of time and I thought that it worked good as is….

**_*****_ **

**_Reader’s POV_ **

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house_  
That don’t bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ‘em out  
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though goin’ on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m okay  
But that’s not what gets me  


I sat in bunker library, silently staring at the wall and remembering all the times gone by. I missed Gadreel so much. I still remember the first time I met him, he smiled at me shyly, looking unsure of himself, which I found endearing for such a tall handsome man. And the emotions that he displayed in his eyes, they were heart wrenching. He often looked like a scolded puppy seeking love and approval from anyone who looked at him. He always wanted to do the right thing.

Falling in love with the fallen angel, was surprising to me. I never expected it, I thought that I was unable to love anyone. But Gadreel (thought to be Zeke at the time) proved otherwise to me. We were good for each other, he taught me to love and I helped chase some of the pain out of his eyes, I taught him to be human.

Gadreel had at first betrayed us, thanks to trickery and lies from Metatron, which resulted in him killing Kevin for that lunatic. I was heartbroken at the betrayal and so angry at him for killing my friend, but I couldn’t hate him. Tried as I might, I couldn’t hate him. Gadreel kept sneaking to see me, telling me that he was sorry and was trying to restore heaven. At first I ignored him. Then I yelled at him. Then I cried for him. All because I loved him so much, so I begged him to come back to help us, and leave Metatron’s crazy crusade.

He was unsure at first, thinking that he was doing the right thing. But then some of Metatron’s minions tried to kill me on his orders, because I was luring Gadreel away from his side. That was enough for Gadreel, he was already sick of Metatron’s ways. So he came back to help Castiel. And to be with me.

_What hurts the most was being so close_  
And havin’ so much to say  
And watchin’ you walk away  
And never knowin’ what could’ve been  
And not seein’ that lovin’ you  
Is what I was trying to do

Sam and Dean came into the room right then, tearing me from my reverie. I sighed and silently got up, and left the room without a word. I could feel Sam and Dean watching me, but neither tried to stop me as I walked down the hall towards what was once our room. I stopped outside of it and looked into the room that I had shared with Gadreel. But I couldn’t bring myself to step into it.

_It’s hard to deal with the pain of losin’ you everywhere I go_  
But I’m doing it  
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone  
Still harder gettin’ up, gettin’ dressed, livin’ with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken

I knew that it was time soon. I had to let him go. I couldn’t keep seeing him everywhere. It hurt too much. He needed to move on. But a part of me wanted to keep him close with me forever. I never wanted to let go. Mrs. Tran got to keep Kevin, how come I couldn’t keep Gadreel? It wasn’t fair, but I had to do what was best for Gadreel.

_What hurts the most was being so close_  
And havin’ so much to say  
And watchin’ you walk away  
And never knowin’ what could’ve been  
And not seein’ that lovin’ you  
Is what I was trying to do, oh

What I regretted the most was the fight we had before he left with Castiel to take down Metatron.  I had a bad feeling about him leaving to go with Cas, but I needed to stay and help the brothers. And we fought. Both of us said things that we didn’t mean. I would do anything to take it all back, just so I could tell him that I loved him one last time. We had so little time together,  when we should have had all the time in the world.

_What hurts the most was being so close_  
And havin’ so much to say  
And watchin’ you walk away  
And never knowin’ what could’ve been  
And not seein’ that lovin’ you  
Is what I was trying to do

“Y/N?” I heard Sam calling me, “It’s time.”

I bit my lip to hold back the tears, waiting until they had left, giving me a few minutes to compose myself. Then I met them in the small field behind the bunker, sobbing silently as I got ready to say goodbye to Gadreel.

_(Not seeing that lovin’ you)  
That’s what I was trying to do, ooh_

“It’s time Gadreel. It’s time to let Y/N go.” Dean said softly. I watched as he knelt down next to Gadreel.

“It should have been me.” he whispered brokenly. “It should have been me. I was prepared to die. To save her. To save Cas. To save heaven and humanity. I was prepared to die!!! And I didn’t!!”

“She did. She died.” he sobbed, “It was my fault. I killed her.”

“Gadreel!” Dean barked, reaching out to shake the broken angels shoulders, “You did not kill her. Do you hear me? Metatron killed her. He knew that you fell in love with a mortal woman, with one of us, and that’s the reason that you turned against him. He knew that you could stop him, since you knew his plans. So he put a spell on Y/N. He tied your lives together, so that if you were to die, she would instead. And if she was to die, you would instead. He cursed you so that you could never be together! He killed her! Not you!!”

“But we fought before I left for heaven. I never planned on killing myself up there, it was a last resort. I always thought that there would be time. That I would see her again.” Gadreel admitted, “And I never even got to tell her that I loved her.”                                                                                                                              

Sam looked away, blinking back tears. “Uhh Gadreel?” he said suddenly. “I think you just did.”

Gadreel slowly looked up and finally met my eyes. He finally saw me.

“Y/N.” he breathed, the anguish and guilt in his eyes making it hard to meet them, “You’re here.”

“I’ve been here all along.” I whispered, wanting nothing more than to touch him one last time.

“But.” he cried, tears streaming down his face.

“But nothing Gadreel. ” I said firmly.“Dean’s right. It wasn’t your fault. Neither one of us knew that Metatron would do that. He killed me. Not you.”

“The way we left things…” he whispered.

“We had a fight, it was a stressful time for us. But it didn’t mean that I stopped loving you. Or that I hated you. It was just a fight. It’s what couples do.” I told him softly.

“I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” he pleaded with me, the anguish in his eyes and voice making it hard to look at him, judging from how Sam and Dean both looked away, blinking.

“Gadreel… ” I soothed, walking towards him, and reaching out my hand to cup his face “I died loving you. And I still love you. That never changed. And it never will. I will go to heaven, and you will go on living your life. But you promise me Gadreel, you promise me that you will meet me in heaven. That we will be together again.”

“I promise.” he swore, tears welling in his eyes.

“I love you.” I whispered, as I kissed him softly, one last time.

“I love you.” he whispered back, watching as I closed my eyes and finally moved on.

*****

**_Gadreel’s POV_ **

Sam, Dean, and I watched as Y/N’s spirit was released to heaven.

“Gadreel?” Dean asked, looking at me.

“Yes?” I replied numbly, still watching the sky.

“Do angels even go to heaven when they die?” he questioned quietly.

I closed my eyes, shoulders sagging in absolute defeat as I admitted the one thing that I dreaded

saying out loud.

 "I don’t know.“

 *****


End file.
